Let's Talk Deployment Cycle: Reintegration Support

It’s the day we all wait for, the day that our deployed spouse is finally on their way home. 

The count-down says “zero days left.” 

The long nights, even longer days, and craziness of communication hits and misses, solo parenting and holding it all together, are over. 

Now…what? 

Reintegration is stressful and filled with its own path to navigate. Here are some ideas to help make reintegration a little bit smoother. 

Set expectations aside. 

This might be a little difficult to do but setting expectations of what homecoming should look like or how reintegration will go is important. It’s ok if the kids don’t have the perfect matching outfits, or you forgot to make a cute sign you saw off Pinterest. Your spouse only wants to see their family. That is something that I personally have had to learn through the TDYs and deployments as a military spouse. 

Communicate with your children.

Communicate with your children about expectations for homecoming and reintegration. Even if the deployed parent is only gone for a short time, they have been “out of sight, out of mind.”

Talk with your kids the week before, two days before and day of homecoming. Make sure they understand what homecoming might look like. Communicate to them post-deployment plans such as a family trip to reconnect or mommy/daddy alone time while they stay with relatives. 

Children can deal with their own form of stress and anxiety when a parent is coming home from a deployment. Open communication can help children feel heard and seen when it comes to parents coming home. Sesame Street has some wonderful resources for military families on how to prepare and talk to your children about reintegration. 

Practice routine. 

We all get into deployment habits: Late nights binge-watching Pride & Prejudice, working on crafts, or ordering take-out one too many times (because let’s be honest, who likes to cook while the spouse is deployed?).

It is a good idea a few weeks before homecoming to start getting back into a routine you had before your spouse deployed. Preparing ahead of time will help things “feel” normal once your spouse returns.

Give yourself (and your spouse) a break. 

It’s ok if things don’t go smoothly or perfectly. That goes back to setting aside expectations. 

The reality is that reintegration is hard. Your spouse is having to catch up on things at work and at home. Give yourself and your spouse a break. 

If the laundry gets behind a little, don’t worry about it. If pizza and a movie is something you guys need to do in order to feel less stressed, then do it. Sometimes even taking a breather and letting each other have space can be healthy. 

Make sure if you choose to give each other some space, to communicate the length of time, set a boundary of when you will come back together after the space is given and stick to it. 

Reach out for help. 

This is another hard thing to do but when reintegration feels overwhelming, seek out help. 

Military Family Life Counseling (MFLC) is a base resource that I highly recommend. It is private, confidential, and free. 

Your spouse will not have repercussions for seeking help.

Most supervisors and higher-ups will want those who are in their units/squadrons to seek help when facing struggles. 

Non-medical counseling is also available through Military OneSource as well. This is a great resource to utilize as well. It is ok to grab extra help when it comes to reintegration, no matter how seasoned a spouse is, every reintegration and deployment looks different. 

MSAN’s mentors are trained and certified Mental Health Allies through PsychHub, and can provide you with resources and support while you wait to speak with a mental health professional.

When it comes to reintegration, there is no silver bullet or time machine that can speed up to get past the rough patches; it is part of the messiness of being in the military. However, cultivating a plan that works for your family and reaching out when you need help can make things a bit better during the process. Setting expectations aside and communicating needs can also help make this part of the deployment cycle a bit less hectic and stressful. 

To connect with our Deployment & Reintegration Advocate, join the HUB. 

Visit our website to learn more about our mentorship program.

Laura Daniel is the Deployment and Reintegration Advocate for MSAN. Laura is an Air Force spouse of seven years, has a husky named Atlas and a cat named Ahsoka.