How I Created a Team to Support Each of My Children's Education

I want to share a story of advocating for my children's educational needs. As you will see, I had some difficult experiences, but I also had some amazing ones. The key, for me, was learning to build a team. When advocating for a child, a team effort includes parents, teachers, administration, staff, and the children. As parents, we know our children the best and can not only advocate, but help the teachers and staff understand them. We can help our children be accountable and advocate for themselves. 

I first began my journey of advocating with my oldest, Ally. I found out that my 2nd grader had her pants pulled down on the playground and was being bullied. Multiple staff knew but did not tell me. My advocating and building a team for her did not stop. In high school she fought her father and I as many teens do. I recognized she needed a team of adults she could go to so I found people and reached out. She had amazing mentors through school, church, and work because of this. A youth group leader met her every week for lunch. Her girl scout leader asked for her help with a young troop. A teacher asked her to join a special group. This team helped her thrive and made all our lives better.

My second daughter, Jess, is a year younger. I will never forget a meeting with the school counselor and her 1st grade teacher and counselor. Not only did they not want to be a team and felt I did not know my child. It was very frustrating.

It took years for Jess to learn to be organized after this disastrous year. Because of this, during 2nd and 3rd grade I went to her classroom every Friday after school to clean her desk with her and her teacher. Her 3rd grade teacher and I celebrated towards the end of the 3rd quarter when Jess was able to keep her own desk organized.

During middle school, I did a lot of advocacy with her math teacher. The teacher had a single way of doing math that did not work for my daughter. It was tough, but I will say the teacher bent over backwards to help my daughter. She tutored her after school twice a week. We celebrated when Jess earned a C on a test for the first time. This teacher also recognized that Jess had severe test anxiety and helped her overcome much of that anxiety.

In high school jess had a challenge with a teacher. I had multiple meetings with the teacher, then the principal and the teacher. Finally, the principal, I and Jess' therapist met. The principal suggested that Jess be pulled from that class and attend counseling or have a session with a trainer during that class period. It worked out so well for Jess and she was emotionally and physically healthier because we as a team found a better solution. 

Then there was youngest, Nick. He needed the most advocacy. When he was in kindergarten, I realized early March he did not know his sight words nor all his letter sounds. The teacher said she did not realize because he was so well behaved.

The next year, at the new school, my son continued struggling with reading and was provided additional help. We had him tested. The specialist could tell there was something but could not identify exactly what.

We moved during the middle of 2nd grade. My son continued to struggle and after many meetings with his teacher and then the principal, as a team we decided he would repeat 2nd grade. Together the teacher and I decided to change some of his schoolwork the last quarter of the school year to help boost him and prepare him to repeat. We also brought my son into a couple of meetings so he was prepared and felt he had a say in it. My son recognized he was better off repeating this grade because we all worked together to help him. Even when he was sad because he missed his friends, he still told me he was glad he was in 2nd grade again. 

Another way I had to advocate during this time was due to my son's asthma. Throughout his time at this school every teacher supported him when he was unable to do his homework during the week due to his asthma. There was no IEP or 509 plan. This was because I took a team approach and helped the team understand his needs. I explained how tired he would become as there were days he would come home from school, fall asleep. I would send a note on the days he could not do his homework. Every teacher worked as a team with us to help him succeed. 

Nick still struggled in school, particularly after 4th grade. We pushed for testing with him two more times before he was diagnosed in middle school. With the diagnosis he received the IEP and special education support. However, he was choosing not to use his support in 7th grade as he was embarrassed. My husband and I called a meeting with all his teachers for a Friday afternoon as Nick was doing very poorly to spite the help available to him. I later learned the teachers were anticipating a ruined weekend because of this meeting. As my husband and I walked in we let the teachers know this was a wake-up call meeting for our son. My son soon walked in hunched over and obviously dreading the meeting. Each teacher talked to him and came up with a plan. At the end of the meeting Nick was sitting up straight. He realized every teacher cared. He was on the high honor roll the rest of his time there. Oh, and the teachers all had a great weekend because we were a team! 

Once again we moved, my son was in 10th grade. Our first semester my son's teachers were not all following his IEP. I had to meet with three different teachers. One thing I learned was to explained how his learning disability affected him which helped them understand. I will never forget his English teacher. She was not letting him take his quizzes in the resource room. I first held my son responsible and after he left I talked to the teacher and explained that it was just a quiz, my son needed to learn to use his resources. What stands out is her promise that no student would ever have to go through what my son went through again. She had been trying to make her and my son's life easier and had not thought about the deeper implications. 

Through my journey advocating for my children, I learned that most teachers really want the best for each and every child they teach. I believed my job was to help the teachers so they could best help my child and to hold my child responsible.  It is not easy, but it is worth it!

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Rose Holland has served the military community for over 30 years in a variety of roles as a volunteer and family program staff. Through this work, she has seen many inequities imposed upon military families. Her passion to assist military families is driven by her own experience as a military spouse of almost 33 years and has shaped the service she provides. Rose became an activist for military families in the area of career and employment, serving as a career counselor and providing corporate and local organizations insights into the military world and helping the community understand the hidden talent pool of military families.

Rose has a BBA in Finance from the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee, a Master’s in Theological Studies with a focus on pastoral care from Saint Norbert College in DePere Wisconsin, and a Doctorate in Education with a focus in Educational Sustainability at the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point. Her dissertation project focused on military spouses in federal employment and their perceptions of perceptions of federal position during the pandemic.